its where i find myself failing time after time,
falling over and over, spiraling downward eternally.
Why is it that i know whats right and wrong, but
choose to be selfish, sinning with every passing second.
Compromise after compromise i lie to myself promising that
this is the absolute last time, wheedling my way out of guilt.
Sometimes i just wish i could feel the whole wrath and guilt
of my actions, just then may I be able to change.
Tonight at youth group we discussed the disciples responses
after they realized they had betrayed and denied Jesus.
One disciple overcome with guilt resulted with taking his own life.
The other after denying him 3 times wept and reflected, moving
on to lead our church as the first pope.
What really got me going tonight was the fact that looking back
upon myself, am i someone who runs away from my fears and guilt,
or will i have faith and trust in God to be there for me.
Watching over me, nurturing and guiding me through my perils.
I've often times been told it takes being broken down and desperate
for true change to occur in someone.
Tonight, i'm looking for renewal, a fresh start without excuses or compromises.
I"m looking to start heading to who I really want to be.
