Re-newal

STARTING OVER
its where i find myself failing time after time,
falling over and over, spiraling downward eternally.
Why is it that i know whats right and wrong, but
choose to be selfish, sinning with every passing second.
Compromise after compromise i lie to myself promising that
this is the absolute last time, wheedling my way out of guilt.
Sometimes i just wish i could feel the whole wrath and guilt
of my actions, just then may I be able to change.
Tonight at youth group we discussed the disciples responses
after they realized they had betrayed and denied Jesus.
One disciple overcome with guilt resulted with taking his own life.
The other after denying him 3 times wept and reflected, moving
on to lead our church as the first pope.
What really got me going tonight was the fact that looking back
upon myself, am i someone who runs away from my fears and guilt,
or will i have faith and trust in God to be there for me.
Watching over me, nurturing and guiding me through my perils.
I've often times been told it takes being broken down and desperate
for true change to occur in someone.
Tonight, i'm looking for renewal, a fresh start without excuses or compromises.
I"m looking to start heading to who I really want to be.

Someone.. Just Anybody

I need someone to just be there for me...
i don't care what you look like or where your from,
your outward appearance, or just how cool you are.
I just need someone who will listen..
Truly listen and accept me for who i am deep down,
not my fake identity i keep masked up almost 99% of the time.
Someone that would be there for me in a time of need,
or just when i need to let loose a little while...

I need a best friend..

Obediance..

Why is it that our peers can influence us so much?

Does it really matter what others think of me?
I find myself considering, even planning on resuming old habits.
Why cant I put the past behind me and Move on....
My heart and soul are 100% behind me,
pushing me with all their might and will.
But flesh, and flesh alone continue to desire and thrive,
my very being feeding off every mistake and disappointment.
Time and time again, I find myself giving in,
lowering my standards to make things acceptable.
When is the time gonna come when i can finally make a stand?
Whats it gonna take to change my way of thought?
I've tried everything.... all temporary, never permanent.
I want to move on, and continue climbing closer to discovering who i really am.
Building a strong foundation, fortifying my defenses,
blocking out all evil, creating an impenetrable wall.
Day to Day i pray that i can make the commitment,
rise up to the challenge, overcome my fears of failure.
There's so much more to life, I'm missing out on.
Lord i pray that you bless me along with my peers,
to receive the courage and commitment, to break the burden of sin,
and move one step closer to our one and only gracious God..

Be of courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the lord. Psalms 31:24

Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shall thou dwell in the land, and verily shall thou be fed. Psalms 37:3

But they shall wait upon the Lord to renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint. Isiah 40:31

Beauty

Isn't it amazing to think God created everything...
Looking out the window I see his true colors, blending into the horizon so majestic and tranquil. I can't help but admire his beauty in everything i see, constantly giving thanks for the power of his love. I dont know what or where i would be without him... Lost, Un-guided. Jesus died for Me and nothing will ever change that. He's with me day in and day out, there to protect me and bless me on every occasion. I walk with confidance and courage, nothing can stop me...

Cause I'll be by your side,
Wherever you fall.
In the dead of night,
Whenever you call.

Wired 09

Approaching this weekend i didn't entirely know what to expect really just a good time, and a way to escape life for a few days. As i walked through the doors, i realized i had come completely unprepared for what God was about to do with me. I made entirely new friends of both genders and of multiple ages, got to be around people who love God as much as me, and ultimately grew closer to God as a christian. I went from having God on the somewhat side burner to now wrapping my life around him... And i cant even begin to explain how i feel inside. Renewed, Bright, and Grateful. Each day i wake up i roll out of bed with God on my mind, counting my blessings and looking for ways to spread his love throughout my day. Like Mark said, this past weekend i didn't leave with just another spiritual high that i could enjoy for a week or so, i left with a new and memorable Milestone, changed for the rest of my life....

Everlasting Grace...

Walking through halls and sitting in class with my peers,
i see individuals lost, scattered, looking for a way to fit in.
Why do we care so much what others think of our self?
Whats their opinion matter to us really?
Isn't God the only thing that matters?
It seems as if society's morals and values have changed,
were losing sight of our core, our initial being.
I hope and pray that my peers find God for who he is truly is,
Embrace his love with confidence and joy.

Me..

Lost, unguided, vulnerable,
Just a few words to describe,
how my behavior is so intolerable.

I yearn for obedience,
Without A hint of determination,
Walking through everyday traps,
Falling, failing to succeed.

I'm on a journey,
Step by step it's being taken,
each one towards becoming
my own unique individual.

Like searching through darkness,
I feel through the cold, moist air,
With each swing of desperation,
Losing confidence and will.

Time after time i fail,
hoping and praying to prevail,
I'll never give up hope,
I'm just searching for a way to cope.

Through companions and friends,
I receive comfort and support,
Without them by my side,
I would be lost and alone.

Day by day I'll keep pushing on,
Till things start going my way,
Always striving towards perfection,
Determined to become.. Me